Feeling All The Feelings & Finding Balance Within
Hands up if you’ve ever felt a surge of emotion arising, whether it be high feelings expressed through uncontrollable laughter or low feelings expressed as a tidal wave of tears? Hands up again, if you have found yourself accepting and desiring more of the high feelings and despairing and rejecting the low feelings?
I’m pretty certain we have all been here, at some point and either fought against whatever is arising or sought it again if we liked it.
I find it so fascinating that we do this. We pursue the highs, and do everything we can to avoid and escape the lows - yet both are two sides of the same coin. If you have one, then you must inevitably have the other too. Why do we deem it okay to feel happiness but not sadness? Interesting huh? And this is not to say that we want to wallow, or take a bath in sadness, but to learn the art of accepting what is.
What I’m most curious about, is seeing if it is possible to live with the whole array of emotions that exist without attaching to or averting them. And what happens when we welcome all...
So Let's Look at the Word "Emotion"
The Latin word for emotion is ’emotere’, which literally means energy in motion.
Upon investigation, it seems that emotional energy in itself is neutral. What I mean by this, is that energy is flavourless until our minds give it flavour.
Let‘s look at this closely, and see how we can get entangled in attachment or aversion to emotions…
When a sensation is created by an emotion happening in our body (expansion/contraction), we then interpret the emotion through a response from our internal memory bank (based on like or dislike). For example contraction feels bad, so I push it away, or expansion feels good so I attach to it. I give power to the feeling through labelling it. My reaction of either attachment or aversion creates conflict and stops the energy from flowing freely.
Without an interpretation, all we are left with is moving energy in the body that resembles expansion (usually associated with good feelings) and contraction (bad feelings).
Given that fact, it makes sense to treat this fluid energy with respect and allow it to move and change as it’s designed to do. Like the old age saying goes “This too shall pass”. Like everything else; these sensations are impermanent.
“Emotions are like a wave, constantly rising and falling. They’re part of a much bigger ocean worth noticing.”
The Error lies in Labelling this "Energy in Motion" as "Good" or "Bad".
If we can recognise that every feeling will pass, attaching a reaction is pointless. Instead, if we stay out of the thoughts and strengthen our observation muscle by staying with the sensation and not trying to escape it, then it can pass through freely without obstruction.
Voicing the story of how you feel is powerful, but only to a certain point. Though it is in itself a release, the next level can only be reached when you allow yourself to feel your emotions without justifying or sharing them with others. By taking away the charge of the labelling of it, and giving our full attention to the sensation from a neutral place we allow it to simply be, and move.
By bringing a mindful observation to the sensations, you’re basically allowing your body to communicate with your mind. It has something to show you about how you feel at your deepest level, and only when your mind can stop and listen, will it invite the energy to be released.
I can guess when reading this, you may think “Yeah, I know this” or it may seem so simple (which it is) - yet because of our conditioning and habitual reactions, to bring complete attention to what is arising and stay with it, in reality is not always easy, and therefore requires our total attention to notice the wave instead of being swept away by it.
3 Ways to Feel Your Feelings Without Attaching or Escaping
Here are three ways I find useful in remaining with my feelings and allowing the energy in motion to move through:
Find time in the day to sit quietly (even just 5 minutes will help) - observing any sensation that arises with pure curiosity and zero judgement. This is the first step to acceptance and over time the pattern of reaction becomes weaker.
Allow space between a strong emotion and reaction. When a sensation from energy in motion comes up, take a few simple deep breaths and / or take yourself away from the situation to feel the sensation without reacting from it. You may then have better understanding and insight into where it came from.
Thank the emotion. Thank it for arising and showing you what is inside you that wants to be seen. Without a story, it can move out, knowing that you have seen it.
Be patient, persistent and loving with yourself. It takes a lot of energy to tame the monkey mind and unwire the hardwired programs and reactions inside of us.
Emotions are always going to be there and that’s okay. It’s how we deal with them that makes all the difference, and helps us to find and maintain balance within.
Much love,
Jemma xo
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