Authentic Relating for Yoga Teachers: Enhancing Your Teaching Journey

Authentic Relating for Yoga Teachers:
Enhancing Your Teaching Journey

As a yoga teacher, building meaningful connections with your students is a powerful way to create a safe and supportive environment where they can explore their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Authentic Relating is a valuable practice that can help you cultivate stronger relationships with your students, fostering authenticity and empowerment in your teaching approach.

Understanding Authentic Relating

Authentic Relating involves using tools and practices to cultivate more meaningful and satisfying relationships with others. It revolves around building trust, empathy, and care in your interactions. By developing skills such as communicating healthy boundaries, active listening, and authentic self-expression, you can create a dynamic dance of genuine connection with your students.

Embodying Authentic Relating

Authentic Relating is an embodied practice that recognizes the importance of the body in fostering authentic connections. By acknowledging that authenticity resides within the body, you can deepen your understanding of yourself, others, and the world around you. Engaging with the body allows you to express, relate, and communicate in a more genuine and meaningful way, enhancing your relationships as a yoga teacher.

Benefits for Yoga Teachers

Incorporating Authentic Relating into your teaching journey offers numerous benefits:

1. Cultivate Authenticity: By practicing Authentic Relating, you can express your true self to your students, creating an open and trusting atmosphere in the classroom. Embracing authenticity encourages your students to do the same, fostering genuine connections and self-expression.

2. Establish Healthy Boundaries: Creating a safe and respectful teaching environment requires healthy boundaries. Authentic Relating equips you with the skills to communicate boundaries effectively, while also supporting your students in doing the same. This mutual understanding fosters respect and enhances the teacher-student relationship.

3. Improve Listening Skills: Active listening is a critical skill for any yoga teacher. Authentic Relating helps you develop active listening, empathy, and understanding, enabling deeper connections with your students. Honing these skills creates trust and connection, enriching the teaching experience.

4. Build Confidence: Authentic Relating empowers yoga teachers, especially those new to teaching, to embrace their abilities authentically without the need to pretend to know everything. By being vulnerable and genuine with your students, you can cultivate an empowering teaching style that encourages their confidence in their own practice.

5. Handle Feedback Effectively: Receiving constructive feedback can be challenging, but Authentic Relating equips you with tools to respond positively. Through active listening and understanding the student's perspective, you can engage in constructive dialogues that lead to growth and resolution.

Deepen Your Ability to Connect

Incorporating Authentic Relating into your yoga teaching can revolutionize your relationships with students and foster an environment of authenticity, support, and inclusivity. By embracing this transformative practice, you'll deepen connections, establish healthy boundaries, enhance listening skills, boost confidence, and adeptly handle feedback. Unlock the power of Authentic Relating to elevate your yoga instruction, cultivating an enriching and inclusive learning experience like never before.

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Interested in learning more about authentic relating? Join us here at Radiantly Alive Ubud for the Art of Being Human: Foundations of Authentic Relating - a two-day training with Vix Anderton, a somatic coach, yoga teacher, and embodied facilitator, to learn practical techniques for immediate life improvement. Transform conflict into ease, embrace communication as a path to presence, enhance relationships with yourself and others, and develop tools to authentically express your true self. Learn more about this profound training here or join Vix at one of her weekly Wednesday 11 AM Authentic Relating classes at Radiantly Alive Ubud.

Short training: Authentic Relating | The Art of Being Human Level 1 with Vix Anderton

June 10-11

Early bird price valid until May 31: $295

Regular price from June 1: $345

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I Hope I Don't Fall

Oh, I Hope I Don’t Fall!

Falling in love, falling out of love, falling from grace, falling into bad habits, falling out of favour, falling into negative thoughts - we’ve all been there, and we will most likely end up there again and again.

The fall is one of the most natural experiences for us human beings to have, and it happens to us all. As above, so below. For us to rise, we must fall. When we fall, we rise again. This is a very natural occurrence in nature as well. The moon and the sun, the tides, come rain come shine, cut something down and it will grow back. At its center, we find balance. As a dance with equilibrium.

The way that we human beings approach it though, will be with hesitancy and resistance. Maybe less so with the falling in love part, but for some people that might be truly scary as well. The point is this, we take falling as a massive failure, as if we aren’t worthy, as if we don’t deserve it. But much like the saying ‘we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars,’ when we rise from the fall, not only is it a testament to our own strength, but it inspires others to rise as well. Hardship will come to us all in many forms, many intensities, and the more we endure and rise above, we grow stronger and wiser with time.

Therefore, let the fall be a teacher. A way for you to listen with more attention and awareness, and thus building more experience. It can be in the simplest form - a balancing asana pose. You lose balance and fall out, but you didn’t fail, you learned something new. You found an edge. Try again, find that edge, see and feel what is there. Ah, balance found a way, and you find a new edge, and then the fall. Try again. It is right there, in the simplest ways, a way of listening and learning.

Love is not so much different. We fall in love, we grow, we argue, we make up, we find new depth and grow more, we find dissonance and it might persist until we decide to part ways. The balance was always being danced around and for some time it is there, and for some it changes. It’s not a failure, it ran its course. As long as we feel that we did our best for the sake of growth, we didn’t fail. There is no such thing as a failed relationship, we either grow together or we grow apart. And that is always a beautiful thing.

When it comes to bad habits, let’s be honest, we all have them. Some are quite minuscule and others might be more serious, and it’s not inherently bad if we slip up sometimes. Once again, we might have to go there to realise that, instead of trying to avoid it. If these bad habits causes you to miss a day at the gym or have that delicious dessert a bit more often, let it be so. Laugh about it, let it go, move on. If it’s a more serious habit that causes harm, perhaps sharing this with a trusted friend to find support, and let yourself be held and accountable to rise above it as well. By the way, that goes for the extra pint of ice cream too, you can totally have an accountability pal for that.

Have you ever fallen out of favour with a friend? Something that happened that caused you to drift apart? Let the fall be a reflection of what happened, and if you feel that you did something out of integrity or if you feel that you did everything you could to honour your integrity? Maybe one day you will meet and rise above the situation and enhance your friendship, maybe it wasn’t a good friendship to begin with?

Maybe you are prone to falling into negative thought patterns? Does it feel like a labyrinth in your mind which is hard to get out of? I feel you, this is not an uncommon thing. First off, it’s ok to have these thought patterns. It shows that you care, that you feel, and that you are aware of your inner surroundings and outer surroundings. There is strength in that. Secondly, it doesn’t take a lot for it to change, this is the most important part. And this goes for everything above as well.

Let the fall be a way for your to gain new perspective, to let go of the things you were clinging on to, to make peace with what wasn’t for you. Let the fall be a place of new insight and clarity. Let the fall be a gift that shows you that you did not settle, you did not get compliant, you did not give up. Instead, let the fall be a testament to how you stand back up when you’re down on your knees, how you brush yourself off and try again, how you continuously rise above each time.

If you have a story of falling - in love, out of love, from grace, into negative patterns - or anything else, I’d love to read it, let’s inspire each other by acknowledging that we fall all the time, and that together we can rise again.

Thank you for reading,

Chris Fox

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About the Author

Chris Fox is a mobility specialist and movement coach focusing on joint health, body awareness, and how to reduce pain with active bodywork. With the Fox Method, he helps people to get a stronger connection to their body, by isolating joint awareness, activating body control, and integrating healthier movement habits.

If you want to work on your mobility and stability, increase more body awareness and reduce pain to feel more light and alive, you can contact Chris for a session: thisischrisfox@gmail.com

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Acts of Love

Acts of Love by Chris Fox

Love is vast, grand, elusive, and sublime. It is also simple like a gentle whisper. We all have our own definition of love, and I feel that’s the beauty of its majestic nature.

What is an act of love for you? What do you love giving and what do you love to receive?

(I will ask you to pause here, take a few moments to close down you eyes and feel into it, and then write down what you feel is an act of love, both giving and receiving, we will look into that later on!)

When I think of acts of love I remember when I drove across town early in the morning to put a cup of coffee outside my beloved’s door before she walked to work. I remember the electrifying and breathtaking energy from a first anticipated hug with someone special. Or the comfortable silence with a friend just sitting together without having to perform or hold a conversation. Or the gentle but firm hug from a friend while I was crying from a massive heartbreak.

But what about the acts of love that doesn’t involve another person? What about the acts of self-love that set the scene for any other acts of love?

For me I think of every morning where I take some time to meditate, to dive deep within my mind and my heart to listen to what is going on. It is the moment where I sit down to write a page of whatever comes up, once again another way of listening. It is the time I take for myself to move my body, to have a conversation with myself no matter if it’s hard or not, it’s a conversation of constant love. It is also the times I have a meal for myself, even in a crowded room, where I get to enjoy something so simple.

And so acts of love are as important to give ourselves as they are giving to others. The definition of what an act of love is, you get to choose that entirely for yourself. And sometimes we might not even know what it is. Sometimes doing something simple just makes us feel utterly at peace and that is enough. Other times we need to do something grand to get that feeling. And our acts of love might change over time.

Maybe you can relate to being a person who loves to be of service to others, to help friends out in need, and that you love seeing the joy on people’s faces when you do so? But at the same time, you might not give yourself that same attention. The acts of love for others surpass the acts of love for yourself. Or even more so, maybe you have thought “I wish someone would do this for me…”

I know, I’ve been there. I am a very giving person by nature. And yes, sometimes it can end up being a bit self-sacrificing and one-sided. Don’t let that beat you down. Because your experience is often going to be a bit different from anyone else’s.

So back to my initial questions, and have a look at what you wrote down. What are the things that you love giving, and go a bit deeper into it. What examples or situations where this happened comes up for you? How did it make you feel, and how did it make the person receiving it feel, do you think?

What about the receiving acts of love? What did you write down about what you love receiving? Write down some examples and situations here as well to go deeper into it. What did you feel, what do you remember of these moments and whoever gave this to you?

And now, to put this to the test, the acts of love that you love giving to others, how can you change that to give to yourself? What would that look like, and more importantly, how would that feel like? How creative can you get with it? Is there an element of surprise, is it mainly words of affirmation or a gesture that you can speak out to yourself in front of the mirror, or is it a physical gift that you can present to yourself?

The same goes for the things you love receiving, are they any different from what you love giving? If so, try giving something to someone else that you love receiving. Notice how that feels, notice how it is received. Maybe it surprises you as much as it surprises the other person!

Acts of love are essential to how we relate to one another and ourselves. And it helps us to evolve and grow as well, as we go on this journey to get to know ourselves and each other through these acts of love. I hope that you never stop giving and receiving acts of love, no matter how small or grand they are. Don’t ever for a second doubt the power you have by giving acts of love, and the bravery and openness it takes to receive them as well.

I am curious to know how this makes you feel and if any changes or insights comes up! Feel free to reach out to me to share your story.

Thank you so much for reading,
Chris Fox

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About the Author

Chris Fox is a mobility specialist and movement coach focusing on joint health, body awareness, and how to reduce pain with active bodywork. With the Fox Method, he helps people to get a stronger connection to their body, by isolating joint awareness, activating body control, and integrating healthier movement habits.

If you want to work on your mobility and stability, increase more body awareness and reduce pain to feel more light and alive, you can contact Chris for a session: thisischrisfox@gmail.com

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5 Ways to Discover Your Passion & Celebrate Your Uniqueness

5 Ways to Discover Your Passion & Celebrate Your Uniqueness

“Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~ Howard Thurman

I really love this quote, as it reminds us to live with self-love by listening to our hearts over the noise in our heads and unapologetically follow what lights us up. When we find something we’re passionate about, and dedicate our energy to that - we welcome love to move us moment to moment.

Do all things with love and you can’t help but manifest beauty and joy!

It may sound cheesy, but it’s so true. Have you ever admired someone’s expression, whether it be them moving beautifully as a figure skater, making visually stunning houses or furniture as a carpenter, an artist’s paintings, the uplifting harmonies of a singer that hit you straight in the heart or get you up and dancing in a second, or a delicious home baked cake made with love - I could go on and on! Whatever someone’s expression is - when it is done through love and passion it is automatically of next level quality. 

Whether you share your passion with immediate family or the world, for fun and joy or to make a living, whatever you do from a true expression  of passion it will naturally fulfill you and impact others in a positive way - without you even trying for an outcome.

Do you know what you are passionate about? Are you already dedicating energy to your passions? Or are you just starting to discover what gives you full body tingles, and energises you from the inside out..?

Learning how to find your passion may seem a little daunting, but it’s worth the investment…

Imagine getting up early each day and jumping out of bed, excited to go to work on your passions - in a state of mind, often referred to as ‘flow’ where you can lose track of the world and time, losing yourself in the task at hand. Work is not work as many people refer to it, but something that is fun and interesting and exciting. It’s not a job but a passion that leads to a fulfilling life. Mmm. Sounds like a delicious way to live.

So let’s get to it, with five simple tips to reflect upon and action to help you uncover your passion and honour your uniqueness.

1. Slow Down

When we slow down, we are able to tune into and notice what our inner guidance is naturally steering us towards, what we are interested in and gravitate to. Slowing down allows us to quiet the outside voices and listen to ourselves.

Action: Slowing down might mean putting your phone into flight mode and dedicating space to being less consumed. It could look like practicing yoga, going for daily walks, or setting aside time each day to  journal or quietly reflect. 

2. Change Your Story

We all tell ourselves stories about who we are, what we’re capable of, and what we deserve. 

Action: If we can identify our self-limiting stories (I’m not good enough; I don’t deserve to be happy, etc.), simply by watching the things that pop up on the screen of the mind then we can begin writing new stories that are grounded in confidence and courage.

3. Own Your Uniqueness

We are here manifesting as ourselves for a reason. No one else has your unique blend of talents, wisdom, strengths, skills, and creativity. We all have something great to offer, and learning to accept and own what makes you unique is crucial to sharing your gifts with the world.

Action: Reflect on and write down what makes you unique. Write as if you are a friend viewing you. Read it back and appreciate and celebrate the magic that you are!

4. Focus on the Fun

Too often we get wrapped up in the expectations we set for ourselves. We focus on the details and the to-do lists instead of what is most important. What do you love to do? What makes you smile? If money were limitless, what would you be doing today?

Action: Write down all the things you love to do. Stick your ‘Love List’ somewhere you’ll see it and aim to do one or more of your loves each day.

5. Push Past Fear

It’s so seductive to tell ourselves that we’ll go after what we want when we have more experience, more money, or more time, but the truth is, that will never happen. 

Action: See the excuses that act as masks for our fear. Get clear on our fears and recognize how they are holding you back and move forward as if today was your last.

The world is so much more beautiful for our individual flavours and expressions. Just like a garden filled with an array of flowers. We make the world with our uniqueness.

Celebrating you and your passions.

Much love,

Jemma xo

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The Strength To Be Soft

The Strength To Be Soft by Chris Fox

We’ve probably all heard sayings like ‘boys don’t cry’, ‘girls are too soft,’ or ‘you need to be strong’ and most likely it has affected us quite a lot, especially growing up. It’s like we have to hide certain parts of ourselves because we’ve been taught this way. And it is like that the meaning behind it has become diluted.

What Does it mean to You when You Hear the Words ‘You Need to be Strong’?

To me it had a sense of standing tall, not showing emotion, not showing fear, not being confused, and to be more resolute, more decisive, more loud, more stoic. And even worse, physically strong was a massive thing growing up, and I was always the skinny one that avoided any feats of physical strength. And growing up in a family where my mom worked from home and my father was mostly away, it created a lot of ideas within me of what a man and a woman SHOULD be.

So in regards to the theme on the strength to be soft, it is something that I’ve experienced and explored a lot in my adult life. That when I allow myself to be soft, instead of standing tall, I’ve learned how to allow myself to crumble. Instead of hiding my emotions, I let them flow out of me through words, movement, dance, journaling, and meditation. Instead of not showing fear, I give it willingly, vulnerably, and see how it changes and releases itself from me. Instead of rejecting confusion, I honor it, I let it run its course, I let it teach me what it needs to teach me. Instead of being resolute and decisive, I take my time, I weigh the options, I ponder upon the multitude of ways I can approach things. Instead of being loud, I let my voice quiver, I listen to the whispers and the softness within, and let that inner voice be heard instead. Instead of being stoic, I allow myself to sit with it, to let the emotions come, to know that it’s ok to go through hardship.

Secondly, physical strength for me today has a totally different meaning. Let me get a bit personal - and potentially weird - I know that most people don’t like the feeling of going to the dentist, if it’s polishing, drilling, pulling, prodding or poking, and I get it, that sounds really horrible, but I kind of like it! For me personally, that is a physical strength I possess and have experienced a lot of in my life. The same goes for tattoos, I like the sensation of getting ink done to a certain extent, the intense humming within and beneath my skin combined with the thousands of needle pokes that I have to endure, and at the same time, I’m not super fond of regular needles!

Strength is Personal, and Only Measurable in Our Own Individual Standards

Of course that can be projected onto others. But let’s see strength as less of an armor around our hearts, minds and bodies, and more how we can allow ourselves to dismantle this armor for ourselves and for others. And so, it’s a beautiful and powerful feat to lift something extremely heavy in front of the mirror, but have you stood completely bare and truly looked at yourself in the mirror without shying away, without judging, comparing, or criticising yourself?

It’s a strong and confident act to stand in front of thousands of people speaking of something you are passionate about, but have you exposed your true feelings or fears for a loved one, or dared to reach out to someone you wronged at some point?

If you are a yoga teacher and with your strong presence and knowledge you are inspiring your students, and yet, do you acknowledge your own struggles and give yourself the time to be the student too?

This is genuine strength for me, that we acknowledge our vulnerabilities, our emotions, our softness. When we approach people, situations - even ourselves - with softness, we show more of ourselves, we create more trust and humility, a vastness of opportunities, if you will. It is in the unraveling of the armor we’ve created that we see the true person beneath. The one who dares to be seen, heard and felt in the fullness of their entire self. The one who dares to say ‘I don’t know,’ instead of making something up, the one who says ‘I really like you,’ instead of holding it in in fear of rejection, the one that says ‘I need help’ instead of constantly taking on things no matter what.

Finding strength in softness isn’t always easy, it can be quite terrifying actually. Because we have to go in the opposite direction of that we thought was the way. Instead of projecting outward, we need to turn the focus inward. Instead of pushing through, we need to let go and soften into.

4 Things that You Can Do to Find Strength in Softness

1. Sit down and close your eyes. Let yourself melt into a comfortable seat. Now sit there for a couple of breaths. Let everything flow through you. Thoughts, emotions, physical sensations. Let them. And just notice how this feels.

2. Grab a pen and paper, write a letter to your younger self, telling them what you are up to now, tell them about all the love stories they will experience, the jobs they will come to love and maybe not love so much, the moments you loved that are coming, and the hardships that they will have to endure. How does it feel to speak to your younger self?

3. Put on some of your favourite slow music, close your eyes and breathe. Once you feel ready, let yourself be moved by the music. Let it take time, let yourself get lost in the dance and breath.

4. And lastly, this one is a great one. Remember that person that you kind of fell out of touch with? Or maybe it’s an ex-partner of yours, or an estranged relative that you had a strong connection with. Write them a letter. Not a letter that you intend on sending, but a letter where you can fully and wholeheartedly express yourself and what you felt happened. Let this letter be more of a letter for you, but as a way to dismantle this armor that has held you back from writing that letter.

So, strength is found in many ways, and softness is a major one. I hope that you let yourself be soft today, and tomorrow, and the day after. I hope that you recognise the strength in your vulnerability, in your emotional intelligence, and in your kindness towards other people. I see your strength, and I celebrate you in it! If you have anything you wish to share concerning this topic, I would love to hear from you.

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About the Author

Chris Fox is a mobility specialist and movement coach focusing on joint health, body awareness, and how to reduce pain with active bodywork. With the Fox Method, he helps people to get a stronger connection to their body, by isolating joint awareness, activating body control, and integrating healthier movement habits.

If you want to work on your mobility and stability, increase more body awareness and reduce pain to feel more light and alive, you can contact Chris for a session: thisischrisfox@gmail.com

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Set The Tone For Your Day - With Just 5 Minutes of Gratitude

Set The Tone For Your Day - With Just 5 Minutes of Gratitude

Try this quick and powerful method for counting your blessings before you even get out of bed in the morning, and set the tone for your entire day.

What is the very first thing you do in the morning? Be honest. Check your email? Open Instagram? Brush your teeth? Meditate? Your sunrise thoughts and actions are incredibly important because they set the tone for your entire day. 

Going immediately into an intention practice before you do anything else is like setting your internal GPS. It sets you up to navigate your life with greater grace and ease, regardless of what unexpected twists and turns arise. 

The holiday season is a time that generally inspires more gratitude, love, and a sense of family and community. However, for many it can also be a time where tensions arise from clashing perspectives, conflicts occur, and if we are not present unkind behaviors and words may be expressed.

So how can we stay calm, centered, and compassionate towards all regardless of external circumstances or factors? - By intentionally starting the day with the essence of gratitude. 

Here’s how to get grounded, centered, and grateful  in just 5 minutes before you even leave your bed, 

Feel Gratitude

“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life”

Rumi

Generate the feeling of gratitude with Vajrasana (Thunderbolt Pose)

With both hands over your heart, from a kneeling position, sit back onto your heels. Keep your spine long. 

Place both hands over your heart and take 5 deep Ujjayi breaths, (inhaling and exhaling through the nose) feeling a sense of gratitude for your body and this brand new day.

Doing this practice before you do anything else is transformative because it makes you smile with your whole body. 

Write Gratitude

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”

Eckhart Tolle

Grab a specially dedicated notebook or journal and write down the following…

3 things you’re grateful for
3 things you’re grateful for about your body
3 things you’re grateful for in others 

And if you want to take it a step further, you can continue the practice of Gratitude for your whole day...

Share Gratitude

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

John F. Kennedy

Carry the attitude of Gratitude into your day with simple actions...

Practice daily acts of kindness

Giving to others without expecting in return is one of the biggest forms of gratitude. Tell someone you love them and how much you appreciate having them in your life. Help a neighbor carrying his/her groceries or let a stranger go in front of the line in the supermarket. Thank a colleague or a client for the great work done. Whatever you decide to do, do it from a place of gratitude. Wait and see the positive energy you generate from these acts of kindness.

Stop complaining, start complimenting

Leave complaining and gossip aside. Appreciate yourself for your many blessings, talents and strengths. If you made a mistake, turn it into a growth opportunity. Compliment a loved one when they look good. Say or text something nice to a friend to show how much you value them. Pay attention to your language and communication style, do your best to avoid negative self-talk and bring more positivity to every conversation.

Whatever is on your daily list, soak into this feeling of being grateful first thing, and you can’t help but smile. After this simple morning practice I feel light and bright, and so incredibly thankful to just be alive - It starts my day off on a beautiful note. 

When my first thoughts of the day are focused on the good that I have in my life, I don’t feel the need for anything else. I feel complete. I feel wealthy. I feel grateful and blessed, and I feel like I always have enough. All from those first 5 minutes in the morning. Magic!

Try it for a week and see how you feel :)

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Gratitude For Solitude

Gratitude For Solitude by Chris Fox

This is a personal piece of me. And maybe it will resonate for you and you will recognise a lot within yourself in these words, or maybe you won’t but it will somehow make sense or give you some insight.

I’ve always had solitude as a close friend, since I was a child. Especially in my teenage years where I felt bullied and teased, I spent more time at home ditching school than I spent time being there. So in one sense, solitude wasn’t always chosen. I immersed myself in video games and movies, which eventually led me to writing fiction. In my twenties, I became more social and I was actually terrified of solitude. I just didn’t want to be alone, so I went out clubbing at least 3-4 times/week. And yes, for anyone that knows me, I was already sober back then, so that was always a topic for conversation in any drinking environment.

What I discovered about myself was my desire for safety, routines, and stability. If either of these were out of alignment, I wasn’t handling things very well. But it was the same kind of things that held me back from going deeper and learning more about myself. If I had the safety of a partner, I could always rely on them. If I had my routines, I never had to think outside of the box, and just continue doing what I needed to do. And with stability, I had an alright job or school to attend to knowing that I would be able to pay rent and buy groceries each month.

But somewhere within was a whisper, nestled in the back of my brain, calling out, beckoning, yearning for me to change. And at some point in my early thirties, I was in an unhealthy relationship, I was going to therapy, I was on and off social welfare and menial jobs, I was not in touch with my body, I had outgrown my social sphere, and I was wildly uninspired. So, one day, I made a decision to leave the relationship, move out, and start focusing on myself. And that brought me to discover yoga, I felt that the therapy I went to had run its course, I found new and interesting friends, I began working more, and made a decent living. And somewhere in the midst of it all, I started loving my solitude. It brought me closer to myself, like picking up your favourite book but reading it again to understand it better. And so, I made a plan to do what I’ve always wanted to but never dared to - move far far away from home.

What’s more challenging for someone who’s afraid of being alone, loves routines, safety, and stability than to get rid of everything they own, pack two suitcases of belongings, bring some savings and move to Bali? Well, that’s what I did. Challenge accepted.

I know that this was the best and biggest decision I’ve made in my life so far and I am so grateful for it. However, the course of Bali life never does run smooth, that’s for sure. Financial struggles, earthquakes, volcano eruptions, a global pandemic, but also vast beaches, waterfalls, jungles, love stories, dances, adventures, the most delicious food, and finding my passion for teaching body awareness.

And most importantly, a much deeper and more connected relationship to myself, constantly emerging in the most beautiful ways. Here I learned the true value of solitude, this dreaded fiend of a friend I had in my teens, that I despised and pushed away in my twenties, that I were on kinda good terms (but not really) in my thirties, and that I am now welcoming into my life more than ever stepping into my forties.

A solitude that allows me to feel more at peace with who I am, what I do, and what I wish to cultivate. A solitude that brings a sense of ease even in social situations, where I don’t feel forced to act a certain way, or that I can allow myself to sit and cry without feeling strange or feeling judged. A solitude where I can recognize the same sensation within someone else who is sitting by themselves and emanate full acceptance of their own company. This is the solitude that brings peace and awareness, the type of solitude that brings calmness onto others as well. Because this solitude doesn’t take away from others, it purely gives.

As I find myself going through another transitional phase at this very moment, a breakup, a renewal of my passion for teaching, writing, and creating, a newfound love for my physical practice, and a consistent meditation. I am honouring the parts of me that love safety, healthy routines, and stability once again. And they are now very different from before. Because they come more from within than from any other place, and that makes a way more stronger foundation to build upon.

Solitude is Now My Best Friend

I love waking up on my own in the mornings, I take a slow walk in the rice fields with the sunrise, I come back to meditate and reflect on what is happening in my body, my heart, and my mind, and then I journal about whatever came up for me. This is followed by my physical practice at the gym, and then my favourite breakfast. I can’t begin to express how valuable these moments are for me. It is the way I tend to my inner garden. To nourish the soil, to plant the seeds with devotion, to intimately connect with every part of myself. And that when I make my way to town, to work, to socialise, to interact with others, I do so when my cup is full.

I can still long for connection and being around people, that is just another way for me to fill up my cup too, but it’s not something I seek out as if I am lacking it. It is coming from a sense of peace and ease, because the more time I spend with myself, and dive deep into my mind, my heart, and my body, I am cultivating gratitude for solitude, and the better I know myself, the more fluid and free I become to express myself with others.

What is your own connection to solitude? What is your favourite thing to do on your own? Or do you struggle with being alone? Feel free to reach out if anything here resonated with you or you just want to share about your experiences. I am here to support.

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About the author

Chris Fox is a mobility specialist and movement coach focusing on joint health, body awareness, and how to reduce pain with active bodywork. With the Fox Method, he helps people to get a stronger connection to their body, by isolating joint awareness, activating body control, and integrating healthier movement habits.

If you want to work on your mobility and stability, increase more body awareness and reduce pain to feel more light and alive, you can contact Chris for a session: thisischrisfox@gmail.com

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Your Year In Review | Reflections + Gratitude

Your Year In Review | Reflections + Gratitude

Happy Holiday Season!

As we near the end of another year, many of us are in reflection mode. Was your year overflowing with joy or not so much? Did it zoom by or drag?

​​In the midst of all the sudden change that has occurred in the world, this past year has definitely been a huge wake up call collectively for us to review our lives and see what we truly want for ourselves and the world. As cliche as it sounds - it is up to us to be the change we want to see in the world, and not wait on the external environment to change for us to live. 

“The Universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you already are.” – Rumi

We create the world we experience by our actions. Are our actions aligned with love, unity and fearlessness? Are we meeting life with gratitude and joy? Are we thinking, speaking and acting from love and kindness? 

More than ever we are being called back to our hearts, to stop operating on autopilot, and really treasure the only moment we ever truly have to live (which is this moment right now). 

One of the simplest and most powerful ways to shift our reality is through genuine gratitude. It’s vital that we focus on the positives and everything we have to be thankful for - because, as the saying goes “where mind goes, energy flows’. Staying optimistic and focusing on the good, to love deeply and don’t take anything for granted is the medicine. Self-reflection and taking time for gratitude and thankfulness are more important now than ever before! 

“If you keep searching for everything beautiful in the world, you will eventually become it.”

Regardless of what has happened during the year, there are always lessons to learn and now is the perfect time to see the blessings of all experiences and utilise them for our highest growth. Each moment is a new moment to reframe our perspective and look for the good. 

Below are some of my favorite reflection questions that help shine a light on your experiences and lessons, what you want more of, where you want to focus more energy...

Challanges + Wins

What were your biggest challenges from the year? What did you learn from them? 

What were your biggest wins from the year? What did you accomplish? What are you proud of yourself for?

Inner Self

How have you changed since last year? In what ways have you grown this year? 

What qualities would you like to embody next year? How do you want to grow? 

How can you treat yourself with love, respect, and patience?

Resources

What helped you this year? (e.g. routines, boundaries, relationships, resources) 

What were your favorite books, movies, shows, and songs from the past year?

Wellness

How well did you take care of yourself this year? Did you prioritize exercise, sleep, and nutrition? 

How will you commit to taking even better care of yourself next year?

Yoga

How has your yoga practice helped you this year? Have you continued yoga in your daily activities? 

Have you created a consistent Yoga practice this year without force or tension? Is there anything you would like to change about your practice? 

Is there a different yoga style you would like to dedicate more time to?

Connections

Who did you connect with this year? Who made you feel the most supported? 

Who do you want to connect with next year? What kind of people do you want to surround yourself with?

Gratitude

Who are you most grateful for? What are you most grateful for? Write down why you are grateful for these people and things.

How can you express your gratitude more next year?

I hope these journal prompts have helped you find gratitude and blessings for the past year and get intentional about what’s to come.

Let’s focus on the blessings of life and co-create a beautiful world together :)

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A Call For Kindness

A Call for Kindness

Imagine that you are having a bad day, nothing seems to go right, you’re slowly but surely losing your composure and getting drawn deeper and deeper into that foggy place where no good thoughts or feelings seem to help to get you out of it.

How does this affect your responses or reactions when you interact with people? Especially someone you don’t know. How about the bus driver that is a bit late, or the waiter that has a lukewarm attitude taking your order? What about your friend that doesn’t reply to your messages but has left you on seen for a while?

It’s like there is just one more moment before you feel yourself stumbling down the ravine of negativity, a sure way to enhance what you are feeling beyond your own internal landscape and perhaps it lashes out at someone else without any restraint.

We’ve all had those days where nothing has seemed to work, as if everything and everyone is conspiring against us (or so we feel). But then perhaps a moment shifts, when we’ve latched ourselves onto this downward spiral of doom and gloom, where all of a sudden a compliment or a kind smile, or a beautiful text appears, and just like that we see an opening in the clouds and sudden warmth fills us up, as if we are being seen for the very first time, as if someone finally gets us and our utterly confused mind.

Perhaps that was just the kind of kindness that we needed, the chisel that found the crack in our negativity armor that slowly started crumbling down to expose ourselves in vulnerability. And maybe that person didn’t actually know that this was just what you needed at that moment, but here they are, with a call for kindness.

The Point being this, We Never Really Know What is Going on with Someone Else at Any Given Moment

That bus driver who was late might have had a really rough night and was doing their best, and the waiter might be going through a breakup, and that friend of yours that didn’t reply back was on a call with their grandmother whom they hadn’t seen in ages and was really ill.

Therefore a call for kindness is what we need in these moments, and this is not something that we give out exclusively to people in need, but do it for the simple fact that it helps, no matter how we feel. Being kind is not difficult, and it doesn’t require a lot. A gentle smile, or a helping hand, your undivided attention to listen, picking up soup for someone who’s bedridden, taking a friend out for dinner, these are all simple gestures of kindness.

I’ve gone through some tough times myself lately, and in these moments of need, a friendly text asking “How are you, Foxy?” or a student sharing their experience with me, are just a few of the moments where I got that helping hand to get up from that dark place of negativity. And then there were moments where even within my own struggles, offering kindness was the way for me to get myself out of it too.

You see, kindness is like a balance account you can never run out of, and it doesn’t cost you anything to give it. Your kindness might be just the thing someone needs at that moment, and it might be just what you need at some point too. I can’t even count the times I’ve taken myself out of a negative space simply by being kind to others.

One Great Way of Doing it is by Listening

That can be listening to your own thoughts while you meditate, it can be observing your thoughts while you journal, it can be as simple as just taking a walkout in nature. It doesn’t need to be another person, it actually starts with yourself and the kindness you can offer internally.

And when it comes to other people, listening is a great start. The times I’ve listened to friends sharing about their experiences, I could begin to relate to them, find similarities and insights that showed me that I wasn’t alone in my own experience. And so, just by hearing someone else out, it has shifted my own perspective many times.

In that moment, when kindness is offered, I’m pretty sure that this will impact and support you and whomever you speak with immensely. When it comes to people we just meet briefly, offering a smile or a kind word could change their perspective in an instant. What if you became that stranger that made someone’s day? And what if they passed that on to the next person they meet?

The ripple effect of kindness has no bounds, yet somehow it is a rarity in many places. What if we commit to share an act of kindness each and every day? What would that look like for you? How would that feel like for the person receiving it?

This is my call for kindness, that we can never know what each and every person is going through, and that we can offer them as simple as a kind gesture to help them feel seen, heard, and felt. Because if you remember the time when someone did this to you, each act of kindness will grow and grow and thus we all help each other to climb out of that ravine of negativity once more.

 I hope that this resonates with you, and that you give and receive kindness in many wonderful ways today!

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About the Author

Chris Fox is a mobility specialist and movement coach focusing on joint health, body awareness, and how to reduce pain with active bodywork. With the Fox Method, he helps people to get a stronger connection to their body, by isolating joint awareness, activating body control, and integrating healthier movement habits.

If you want to work on your mobility and stability, increase more body awareness and reduce pain to feel more light and alive, you can contact Chris for a session: thisischrisfox@gmail.com

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How One Small Act of Kindness Impacts the World

Kindness Starts with the Small, Everyday Things. The Gift is in the Giving.

How good does it feel to be kind, and how good does it feel to receive kindness? If you are having a moment of self-doubt or feeling stressed or overwhelmed, the power of kindness can bring you back to the innate goodness of our hearts and make the challenges in life a little easier. Kindness is a beautiful reminder that we are all in this together, and we are never alone.

What do we associate with the word “kindness”? It’s a term with many different facets: generosity, mercy, humanity, helpfulness, empathy.

Kindness is the natural expression of the sutra “recognize that the other person is you”. In a yoga class, for example, we place our hands in a prayer pose and say ‘Namaste’ - meaning “I bow to you”, a perfect example that when we recognize that the other is us, it changes our whole perspective and therefore our thoughts and actions that are expressed. You may notice that in all spiritual teachings, we are consistently reminded to show kindness, generosity, and sympathy to everyone who crosses our path.

Kindness really is a powerful tool: the merest flash of kindness is enough to create a connection between two people. Let us use an example of two people who have never met before. One of them notices that something is wrong – perhaps the other person’s shopping bag has been ripped open. Nothing major, really. And yet it’s enough for that person to pause, step out of their own inner world and pay attention to the world around them so that a spontaneous act of kindness can occur.

And then, without thinking, they bend down to pick up the apples rolling along the pavement. And with a smile on their face, they pass them to the other person, who smiles back and thank them. These few seconds that the two people share – barely more than a blink of an eye – are enough to let each of them continue on their separate way with a smile on their face. Each person’s heart has been warmed a little. Both are now in the mood to add to their own happiness and that of everyone else. By doing what they can.

By simply paying a little more attention to our fellow humans, especially to the tired and stressed people around us, we can help to make each day a little brighter for everyone we encounter.

Throw Kindness Around like Confetti...

And now let’s imagine what would happen if these small gestures of pure and simple kindness sparked a chain reaction. If the kindness that we experience resulted in a further gesture of kindness towards another person, and it continuously passed forward - the result could be a mighty domino effect with which we would actually change the world. - And all stemming from a small act of simple kindness. Ta da!

This got me thinking about small random acts of kindness we can do during our day to spread a little more sunshine in the world. 

I had a chat with some friends about this and we came up with some small kindness gestures (that we might take for granted at first glance) that have tremendous power when passed on from person to person.

Small but Mighty Acts of Kindness

• Smiling! Giving others (and ourselves) the gift of a smile is not only an act of kindness, but a scientifically proven health booster.

• Providing assistance to someone in trouble.

• Giving a compliment.

• Helping an elderly person to cross the road or walk up the stairs.

• Offering our seats on the bus or train.

• Holding the door or the lift for others and saying “thank you” when others do the same for us.

• Leaving the coin in the shopping trolley – as a gift to the next user.

• Buying a coffee for the person behind you so when they come to pay it’s already been paid for.

• Greeting others, thanking them, and wishing them a good day – whether it’s someone in the cafe at lunchtime or speaking with a traffic officer or policeman.

• Truly listening to others without interrupting them, judging them or getting distracted (by your smartphone, for example).

• Giving directions to someone who doesn’t know their way around.

• Leaving a random kind message – on a colleague’s desk, on the train, or a sticky note on the mirror for your partner when they wake up.

• Buying a homeless person something to eat.

• Letting someone with just a few purchases go ahead in the queue at the supermarket checkout.

• Gifting a book that you’ve read to someone else to enjoy.

Can you think of other random kindness acts to add to the list? I challenge you to see how many you can tick off the list each day!

Kindness brings happiness and is beneficial to everyone involved. Our natural way of being is to truly care for one another - so let’s start today. Let’s make kindness a natural, everyday thing – and lets celebrate this together tomorrow, Saturday, November 13th, the International Day Of Kindness!

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We All Want to be Kind - What is it that Gets in the Way?

We All Want to be Kind - What is it that Gets in the Way?

I don’t believe that anyone wakes up in the morning with the intention of being unkind. We all care about being kind. We all want a kinder world. And yet, how long do we make it through our day before we’ve had an unkind thought, snapped at someone, or spoken unkind words about someone.

So if we all want to be kind - what is it that gets in the way? Where do these judgments come from? Why is it so easy for us to get caught up in gossip or to criticize someone we love? Why is it so difficult for us to be kind?

 “Basic Goodness” is a term coined by Tibetan spiritual teacher Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche to refer to our natural human tendency to care. It’s the longing to be kind to one another and the desire to belong to ourselves, the earth, and each other. When we are settled, at ease, feeling safe and supported it’s natural for us to trust our basic goodness. However anytime we feel threatened we are likely to get pushed into the survival mode of  “fight, flight or freeze”. When we are in this stressed state the nervous system takes over in order to get us to safety. However, when we are chronically stressed and in defense, the biochemistry of our systems makes it nearly impossible to connect to our capacity for kindness. We are temporarily cut off from our natural caring.

Our nervous system has intelligently organized itself to get us out of danger and once we are safe to switch us back into rest, digest, and social engagement. It’s normal and healthy for our nervous systems to switch between activation and settling. Unfortunately, we are in a survival state so much of the time due to our current lifestyle. We might feel like we don’t have enough time or resources, that our environment is under threat of survival. We might casually read about extreme violence and atrocities happening on the other side of the world or in our own backyards while we sip our morning coffee. Our systems are constantly overwhelmed by perceived threats.

 In order to tune into our capacity for kindness, we must first find ways to be kind to our own deeply feeling bodies. We need to find ways of settling our nervous systems on a regular basis in order to keep returning home to our basic goodness and desire to be kind. When we can bring our nervous systems back into healthy regulation we can settle into our very human desire to be kind- to ourselves, to each other, and to the earth.

When you next notice that you are caught up in unkind thoughts or actions, rather than judging yourself you might like to pause and ask your body how it’s feeling. Is there a part of you that is feeling unsafe or overwhelmed?

We all have our own ways of settling our nervous systems. Sometimes, simply by acknowledging that we are feeling unsettled can create a shift. Our bodies are all so unique and it’s useful to explore different practices of settling to find what works best for you. We all have practices we already use - whether we are aware of it or not - that help our nervous systems settle. Choosing to come back to these practices when we know we are being pushed into a stress response is the most important step we can take in expanding our capacity for kindness.

Here are a Few More Practices You Might Like to Explore in Your Journey of Creating a Kinder World:

1. Breathe. The breath is intimately linked with the nervous system. By paying attention to the breath, counting the breath, or consciously slowing it down we can invite a softening and settling.

2. Move. Any kind of movement will discharge excess energy that can build up when we enter a stressed state. This doesn’t need to be vigorous movement - even walking or shaking can help your body discharge and settle back into safety and ease.

3. Be in nature. Being in the wider space of the natural world, placing our feet on the earth, and breathing with the trees, allows us to drop into the experience of being supported.

4. Ask for help. We are in this together. Our connection to a supportive community is what nurtures our natural tendency for kindness and care.

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About the author:

Anisha fell in love with yoga in 2006, when she took her first class and understood this was an intimate language of movement that her body understood. Yoga became her personal medicine and practice of coming home to herself and her body. She took her first Yoga Teacher Training in 2015 and has been sharing the gift of Yoga throughout Asia since.

Her teachings draw on her background in Classical Hatha Yoga, Yoga Therapy, Somatic Vinyasa, Biodynamic Yin, Yoga Nidra and Meditation, and Self-Inquiry. She compassionately encourages students to remember who they are and experience the bliss of awakening and falling in Love with oneself.

Originally born in Canada, but fascinated with the wisdom traditions of the Eastern world, her travels eventually landed her in Bali, which she now calls home. You can contact anisha in here: anisha.rajguru@gmail.com .

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30 Communication Tips to Help Empower Courage in the People You Love

30 Communication Tips to Help Empower Courage in the People You Love

Did you know that us humans are literally wired for social connection & engagement? Our nervous system & attachment systems are built around the necessity for community & connection. It's though our relationships that we first learn how to self regulate, self soothe, & develop a sense of trust & resiliency.

This doesn't end when we get older. Throughout our lives relationships are a huge part of how we grow & connect. When we feel seen, heard, understood & accepted we gain self esteem & capacity to get through the hard times.

Below I share 30 communication tips that can help you empower others to find their inner power, while also supporting your own.

Of course every person & every relationship is different. These tips are not exact tactics & may not work for every person or circumstance. Be patient with yourself & the person you’re talking to. Even if mistakes are made (as they always are in communication) your willingness to engage, to care, & offer support speaks volumes.

Responsibility

A common challenge in inter-personal communication is confusion around responsibility. Individuals may either feel overly responsible for everything or take no responsibility for how their actions effect others. When you are able to communicate with a clear & realistic sense of responsibility this implicitly demonstrates these skills & creates space for the other person to cultivate their sense of self-ownership.

• Speak from ‘I’ language: When we say things from an ‘I’ perspective we own what we are saying. (i.e. I feel, I think, I noticed, the way I see it).

• Own your feelings, thoughts, interpretations & experiences: Own your experiences instead of projecting them.

• Apologize when appropriate: This is so powerful! A genuine & specific apology demonstrates healthy responsibility & offers the other person respect & a place for repair.

• Support from a place of personal agency: Support another person because you choose/want to be there. Supporting because you feel obligated or ‘should’ can build resentment & is often picked up by the other.

• Separate behaviour & character: Offer points of separation between a person’s value & their behaviour/ situation. For example, if someone feels ashamed because they made a mistake you might gently remind them that they are human, that as human’s we make mistakes, & that they are still a good person.

Empathy

Empathy is the willingness to understand & accept the other person’s experience without having to be responsible for it ~ to meet another person where they are without judgment.

• Offer unconditional positive regard: Recognize a person’s intrinsic value & respect their humanity. When you can offer respect, regardless of their behaviors or actions, it can help them recognize the value in themselves.

• Meet them where they are: To see the other person & accept them where they are validating their experience & demonstrates that they don’t have to ‘fake it’ for you. For example, saying something like “I know it sucks right now” might allow someone to feel more heard & connected than saying “ahhh just let it go, it’s not a big deal”.

• Be okay not knowing: Often emotions & experiences are confusing. It’s not your job to ‘get’ it for the other person. Being present with someone & accepting them in those confusing spaces ~ without an agenda to ‘fix’ ~ can be a lifeline for someone who feels alone.

Safety

It’s not always possible to make someone feel safe. However, there are several things we can do to increase the sense of safety for another.

• Be mindful of how you talk about others: The way we talk about others is a pretty clear indication of how we treat others when they aren’t around. This can make or break the trust of someone we care about.

• Confidentiality: When conversations move into more vulnerable spaces it can help others to know that it’s confidential. Asking someone if they’d like you to keep something confidential or telling them that you will (& of course, keeping that promise) goes a long way in building a sense of trust & safety.

Integrity

Maintaining integrity in how we handle ourselves builds trust & respect.

• Address concerns in a specific way: Address specific concerns in a clear way that leaves space for possibility & problem-solving. When we tell someone we are worried about them, especially in a vague way, it can have the unintended effect of magnifying their own self-doubts.

• Own (or Lose) your agenda: If you have an agenda around talking to someone own it or lose it. Losing your agenda can allow for a more organic solutions to arise. On the other hand, if you have an agenda (i.e. wanting to help someone achieve a specific goal) tell them that is what you want to do & give them an opportunity to decide if they want it. Offering choice is a great way to help support someone.

• When possible address concerns or conflict privately: Points of conflict or concern can be uncomfortable for the best of us. Addressing these concerns privately allows a conversation without the the added pressure of being observed by others.

Listen to Understand

Listening to someone with the genuine desire to understand is deeply impactful.

• Seek Clarification: When you don’t understand what someone is saying or find it confusing ask them to clarify. This can help both you & them get a better picture of what is being said.

• Active Listening: Restate key themes or points that are being said & check in that you understand them correctly. This gives space for the other to clarify & demonstrates that you are actively engaged in understanding.

Inclusion

As mentioned in the intro, our social engagement is paramount for cultivating a sense of resilience and courage. When individuals feel included & valued this boosts their self esteem & sense of worthiness.

• Ask their opinion: When you ask someone their opinion about a personal matter or for this help in addressing a problem, you demonstrate that you value their input & can shift the dynamics of this relationship.

• Try invitational language: It can be helpful to invite an option to receive feedback or hear a story. This way instead of just giving someone advice they have the agency to decide if they want to hear it. For example, “Can I share with you how I felt in a similar situation?”

• Do a fun activity together: It’s easy to get caught in the processing side of conversations, especially when things are tough. Yet, play is highly therapeutic. By inviting the other person to join in a fun or adventurous activity could be just the thing to help them reset.

• Ask about their interests: Engage the other person in conversations about the things they enjoy. Ask questions & get curious. This gives the individual a chance to share about the things that mater to them (great for cultivating resilience and courage) & allows you to learn new things.

Establish healthy boundaries

Healthy boundaries create a structure of relationship that feels safe & respectful. Your ability to communicate these in a kind & clear way implicitly teaches others how to do this effectively.

• Create a container: Whether a person seems to always need your support or feels very uncomfortable with receiving support, a container can help create a boundary for your conversation. This could be as simple as saying “how about for five minutes you get to say everything you need to say”, or setting a boundary such as “I really want to support you, I have an hour this evening to talk, why don’t we chat then?”

• Take care of your needs: Set time to check in with yourself & your needs. Attending to these is paramount for your well being & ability to support others without burning out.

• Set boundaries clearly & respectfully: First clarify the boundary you need (i.e. Morning is my time for work), then communicate that boundary (i.e. It’s important for me that in the morning from 8am-12pm I am focused on work & won’t be able to take your calls). Explain why it’s important (i.e. So that I can get my work complete & attend to my business). If needed share consequences & alternatives (i.e. If you call me during this time I won’t be able to answer, & I’d love to connect later in the day if you like?”).

Nurture a Positive Self View

When people are struggling with self-doubt or insecurity it can feel debilitating. Gently offering a positive view of them & gently inviting them to do that can help foster a positive self-view.

• Celebrate them: Celebrate the success of others.

• Share the specific strengths you see: Sharing specific skills & strengths you see in someone with examples can help this person gain a more realistic perception of themselves, anchored in evidence. For example; I was really impressed when I saw how you handled _______. You were really clear & kind.

• Invite space for self acknowledgement: Acknowledge when the person has a success & give it space. If this is a difficult space for them (a common challenge) ask. i.e. Would it be okay if we took a second to acknowledge how well you ________?”

• Appreciate them: Show genuine appreciation for the gifts this person brings into your life.

Compassion & Celebration

Find compassion for those places of difficulty while celebrating those spaces of growth.

• Demonstrate compassion for yourself, for the other, & for the situation: Compassion is multidimensional. This includes compassion for ourselves & our ability, for another & where they are, & for this situation itself. Not everything can be fixed, solved, or resolved… hold these spaces in compassion as well.

Environment

Situations & individuals have their own timing & rhythm. When we can appreciate the environment of a situation & work with it we can support the natural rhythm of growth.

• Timing: When it comes to communication timing is everything. Offering advice or addressing a conflict too soon when someone is really stressed, it’s unlikely you will have the impact you desire. Pause, check in with yourself, & ask: Is this the time to bring this up?

• Location: Like timing the place we choose to have a conversation will directly influence its impact. Is this a place where you can be present to each other?

AND....

• Presence: Ultimately the rhythm & timing of all situations is different. Presence offers more insight than any tip listed above. When you can stay present to the other person, the environment, & the situation you may find that what needs to be communicated comes naturally, dancing with the moment itself.

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About the Author

Amy Thiessen is an international teacher, coach, & musician who focuses on helping individuals connect to their confidence, purpose, & self esteem through voice & communication. Offering a holistic approach Amy helps individuals uncover & overcome their unique blocks around voice & communication, connect to their self esteem & purpose, & ultimately express themselves in a way that is empowered & impactful. You can contact Amy in here: me@amythiessen.com

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The Courage To Let Yourself Be Seen

The Courage To Let Yourself Be Seen

What is courage? The root word of courage is Latin cor - the word for heart. The meaning of courage was originally to live from the heart. The way we use the word courage now is very different - we might think of a hero or someone who puts their life on the line. Everyday courage is not life-threatening or risking everything, but the simple act of letting our hearts be seen - which is no less scary!  

Being seen and loved is what we most long for, the desire underneath all other desires. However, it takes great courage to really let ourselves be seen. Why is it that we hold ourselves back from this most basic longing?

It’s likely that as children our caregivers unknowingly or knowingly praised us for behaving in certain ways and discouraged others. Even as children we are highly receptive and are able to pick up on very subtle cues of approval or disapproval from those around us, especially our primary caregivers. Our longing to be taken care of overcame the longing to be truly seen as we are. In our need for love and belonging, we put on masks that please others in order to be accepted or respected by our fellow humans. This need to fit in is a very intelligent survival response but leaves the deeper need of being truly seen unmet.

The masks we wear may serve their purpose in allowing us to survive, but at what cost? I know that personally the ache to be truly seen has outweighed the desire to stay safe and hidden behind the masks that please others. Staying safe behind the mask also meant manipulating or even disappearing who I really am. It feels no longer possible to deform myself in order to fit into the old ideas of who I thought I should be. And yet, I’ve found that to really allow myself to be seen requires a tremendous amount of courage.

The courage started with honoring the ache within. I had to first climb deep inside my own feeling body and acknowledge the pain it was carrying from all the years of wearing masks. I had to allow myself to cry the tears for all of the parts of myself I had cut off. The process of really seeing myself has required so much patience. It is ongoing. It takes time for our fragmented selves to feel safe enough to show themselves.

The process of being seen had to start within myself but it couldn’t stop there. The longing to be seen requires the participation of others. Once we have established a practice of courageous vulnerability with our own experience we can allow others to truly see us. We can offer ourselves as imperfect and beautifully whole to the world around us.

“Because true belonging only happens when we

present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world,

our sense of belonging can never be greater than

our level of self-acceptance.”

- Brene Brown

What would it feel like for you to let yourself be seen? Are you ready to take off the masks and take the courageous step into authenticity in order to honor your heart longing to be seen? Here are some practices you might like to try in your journey of cultivating courage.

1. Morning Pages. Start a practice of free-writing every morning. Before you’ve engaged with the world or switched on your phone. Put pen to paper and let it flow. Write exactly how you feel without censoring. These pages are just for you so there’s no need to change or fix anything you write. This practice allows you to get to know your inner world and give it an authentic voice. It also ignites your passion and creativity.

2. Say No. Setting boundaries is necessary (and scary!) step in being seen in our authenticity. When you know that you want to say no and you say yes instead, you are undermining who you are. Say no and trust that the ones who honor your boundaries are the ones who will support you in your path of authenticity.

3. Find a heart buddy. Choose someone who already sees you and supports you without judgment. Begin a practice of sharing what’s in your heart. Ask them to listen with compassion rather than the need to respond with the “right words”. Do the same for them. Practice compassionate listening as you receive the gift of seeing someone in their courageous vulnerability.

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About the author:

Anisha fell in love with yoga in 2006, when she took her first class and understood this was an intimate language of movement that her body understood. Yoga became her personal medicine and practice of coming home to herself and her body. She took her first Yoga Teacher Training in 2015 and has been sharing the gift of Yoga throughout Asia since.

Her teachings draw on her background in Classical Hatha Yoga, Yoga Therapy, Somatic Vinyasa, Biodynamic Yin, Yoga Nidra and Meditation, and Self-Inquiry. She compassionately encourages students to remember who they are and experience the bliss of awakening and falling in Love with oneself.

Originally born in Canada, but fascinated with the wisdom traditions of the Eastern world, her travels eventually landed her in Bali, which she now calls home. You can contact anisha in here: anisha.rajguru@gmail.com .

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5 Ways To Use The Power Of Acknowledgement In Your Life

5 Ways To Use The Power Of Acknowledgement In Your Life

Acknowledgement. What is it exactly, and why is it a useful tool in our lives? 

When I looked up the word ‘Acknowledge’ in the dictionary, I was surprisingly inspired by its meaning. I had never really given much thought to it before, and it’s not a word that I commonly use in everyday vocabulary, but upon reading the definition, it really made me ponder that it has similar connections to presence. 

Acknowledge [ ak-nol-ij ]
accept or admit the existence of truth of
recognize the importance or quality of

Beautiful huh? Acknowledgement is really an embodiment of deep presence, of awe, and gratitude for all that is, for all that greets our eyes, for all that moves us, for all that exists that we witness in daily living. 

We are literally in a state of acknowledgement all of the time, just by being alive. Witnessing the grand show of life before us - life really only exists because of our ability to acknowledge its existence. Hmmm. Profound right?
Anyway, now we have investigated what this word means, how can we use this for the benefit of goodness and growth in our lives?

Here are 5 Ways to Bring More Acknowledgement Into Your Life...

#1 Acknowledge the beauty that is YOU. We often admire and acknowledge others for their skills, talents, beauty, characteristics, achievements, but how often do we acknowledge these attributes in ourselves?  Take a moment and acknowledge your own magic. Your own beauty. Isn’t it lovely?

#2 Acknowledge one's mistakes. We cannot possibly change a thing, unless we are first aware of it. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows, otherwise the world wouldn’t be in the mess that it is. One of the biggest gifts we can give to the world is by looking at ourselves first. Acknowledging one's mistakes is not saying that you are bad, wrong or broken in any way, but is becoming aware of your own blind spots or ignorance. When we see where we are blind, then we are no longer blind, and change naturally occurs. Ta da!

#3 Acknowledge others. How good does it feel to be appreciated? It gives you all the warm and fuzzy feels right? When we take moments to express appreciation and gratitude for others in our lives, we are acknowledging the goodness of the world and enhancing it. Heard the saying ‘Throw kindness around like confetti’ - go do that, with genuinity and authenticity - let me know how you feel!

#4 Listen and acknowledge. We can use acknowledgement as a beautiful tool for deep listening by repeating what the person has said back to them, and showing or checking you have understood what they are saying. Language can be complicated, and often we can get the wrong end of the stick in a conversation or jump in with a response of our own experience, or view point without really letting the other know they have been heard. I wonder how much richer our conversations can be with a little more acknowledging in the mix!

#5 Acknowledge how far you have come. We can be so fixated on what’s next, or what’s wrong, or caught in the hustle of everyday living, that we don’t pause to look back at how far we have come, or what it has taken to arrive at this point right now. Can we acknowledge and celebrate our evolution? What struggles or challenges have you moved through? What have you learned that you didn’t once know? How much have you grown in this past year through the trials and tribulations? Take a moment to stand on the (metaphorical) mountain and congratulate your resilience. Don’t wait for someone else to see you - You see you.

Mmm. Acknowledgement may be my new favourite word. Let’s spread more love, through the embodiment of this recognition.

With love,

Jemma xo

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Acknowledging Your Beginnings

Acknowledging Your Beginnings

Remember when you got praised for your hard work? Or how someone told you how strong you were in that pressing situation? Or that time when someone gave you a compliment for your smile? And you knew how much effort you put into that work, how many hours it took, how it sometimes messed with your brain and your commitment, but somehow you made it through. And in that situation, you held your composure because this wasn’t the first time you experienced it, and for some reason, it was just easier that time.

And how much it meant to hear that about your smile because you’ve struggled for so long to let it shine.

Perhaps these are some specific moments you can relate to or not but think of a specific moment where you were acknowledged for your work, your way of handling it, or your approach to yourself because of it. Not everyone will comprehend what it took for you to get where you are today. This is why it is important that we acknowledge our own beginnings.

My Personal Journey is a Version of that Smile Being Complimented.

In my teens I began to develop an underbite, you see. I was teased and bullied, I heard things like ‘piranha’ or ‘don’t get caught in the rain - you’ll drown!’

It made me constantly cover my jaw when I walked past people, I never smiled, and I never allowed photographs of me. I could barely look myself in the mirror, let alone smile. That lasted for about 6 years before I got reconstructive surgery. And while that changed everything for me, it still took me another 10 years before I dared to smile.

Another part that was strongly connected to this experience, was that I lacked confidence altogether. I was the shyest, the most reclusive, the most silent one. If I had to stand in front of a small group of people sharing something I was anxious to the point of running away. It made me not dare to take risks, to trust myself, to chase my dreams.

At Some Point, I Gained More and More Confidence.

I started smiling, I could speak in front of people, I dared to do things I hadn’t done but wanted to for a long time. It brought me to Bali, it got me to stand in front of hundreds of people sharing my own poetry and guiding yoga classes, it got me to stand in front of photographers and be comfortable with smiling, it got me to share more openly and vulnerably. It made me love my smile.

The point of this is that as soon as I acknowledge my beginnings, through the reminder from others, be it praising my confidence, my passion, my voice, or my smile - I am constantly reminded of what it took for me to get here. And it makes me proud and grateful at the same time.

So remind yourself today of your beginnings, acknowledge what it took for you to get where you are today and that not everyone will know what you went through, but when they praise you for something that might seem simple or small, recognize it, appreciate it, cherish it, and own it.

Most likely, the thing that you are really great at was something that was missing before or yearned for, and it made you grow into who you are today. Be it growing up in poverty, and how you are now a very giving person. Be it not being able to dance or be free, and that is one of the most beautiful ways you express yourself now. Maybe you were a shy and silent person that found your voice that is now inspiring others.

When we acknowledge our own beginnings and recognize what it took for us to get where we are, we will also acknowledge this within other people around us, and that no matter if we can’t fully understand what it took for them to get here, they also did and that deserves praise beyond compare. We are all struggling through something somehow, and remember that one thing for you that seems simple and obvious, might be another’s biggest battle.

The More We Acknowledge Our Own Beginnings, Maybe We Stop Comparing so Much to Others.

Perhaps you can relate standing next to that super flexible yogi in class thinking “I’ll never be like that…” not knowing what it took for them to get there. I was that person once, standing next to the crazy flexible person, comparing my own lack to their prowess.

And guess what? A few years later, I became that flexible yogi, being compared to others. Therefore, comparison becomes a heavy burden that is unnecessarily held onto. Instead of comparing, admiring another person for their dedication and devotion, learning about their beginnings, and thus acknowledging what it took for them to get where they are today. And that today will acknowledge as another beginning in the future.

Perhaps this is the way for us to connect more with each other. Instead of comparing to someone else and feel lesser, give that person praise and compliments filled with curiosity for what you see in them. Because maybe that is just what they need to hear at that moment. Being praised for their effort, remind them to acknowledge themselves for where they are.

Remember when you got praised for your hard work? Or how strong you were in that pressing situation? Or that time when someone gave you a compliment for your smile?

Remember how that made you feel, how acknowledged you felt, how elated someone made you feel because YOU made it here, YOU did that thing, YOU are the creator of that smile. Remember that. Acknowledge that.

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About the Author

Chris Fox is a mobility specialist and movement coach focusing on joint health, body awareness, and how to reduce pain with active bodywork. With the Fox Method, he helps people to get a stronger connection to their body, by isolating joint awareness, activating body control, and integrating healthier movement habits.

If you want to work on your mobility and stability, increase more body awareness and reduce pain to feel more light and alive, you can contact Chris for a session: thisischrisfox@gmail.com

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Finding Joy Using the G.L.A.D. Technique

Finding Joy Using the G.L.A.D. Technique

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be joyful. Where does joy come from? How can I be more joyful? What IS joy?

The simple truth is that JOY is an inside job. No amount of money, relationships, successes, or experiences will make you more joyful than you are at this moment. Nothing in the external world will bring you joy unless you’ve already found it within yourself.

If joy is not to be obtained, then it must naturally exist when regrets of the past or worries about the future are not distracting the mind from the beauty of what is unfolding now. If joy already exists within you, as your natural state of being, you’re simply in the process of polishing your mind and heart so that your true joyfulness can shine through.

If we want to be joyful (which is a definite need in the world right now) we have to make a commitment to look for the good in everyone and everything around us. If we constantly complain or focus on what sucks, we are nowhere near the vibration of JOY.

If we look to the law of cause and effect - what we put in we get out, then when we deliberately look for the good, we naturally must attract more people and experiences to feel good about.

So, with that in mind let me introduce you to the G.L.A.D technique...

The G.L.A.D. Technique was developed by Donald Altman as a particularly useful approach to developing a positive attitude towards life. It is designed to help people pay attention to positive things that are around them all of the time, but that frequently go unnoticed.

The G.L.A.D technique is a series of questions to reflect on at the end of each day, that you can note down. It’s best if you can practice the technique every day, for at least three weeks. After three weeks, your “positive mindfulness” will become a habit. After three weeks, you might want to use the prompts just once a week, but it’s advisable you still do it on a regular schedule (for example every Sunday night). 

Developing “positive mindfulness” is particularly important for people who are stressed and depressed, but it should also be considered a resiliency tool that can help you find more daily happiness in your life. 

You can keep your writings together and look at them from time to time, or you may want to share the positive experiences you write down with a friend. 

In a notebook or journal, write down your answers to the following...

Learning to be G.L.A.D.

G - Something you were grateful for today. Think of something very basic you are grateful for. It could be something as simple as the sunlight or the nourishing food you eat. 

Now think of something truly important in your life like a meaningful relationship, kids, friends, or your health. 

L - Something you learned today. Write down something positive you learned about yourself today. It might be something you already knew, but it came into focus today. 

Write down something you learned about another person today. Again, it might be something you were already aware of, but you were more aware of this quality today. 

Write down a fact you learned today that made you curious or more aware of the world around you. 

Write down how something you learned today changed your perspective of yourself or the world around you in a positive way. 

A - One small accomplishment you did today. Many people feel that accomplishments have to be big important tasks, but it’s the little things that make a difference in your life. Perhaps you are working on a goal like exercising more or eating healthier or finding a new job. Small steps towards your goal are important accomplishments. Write down something you accomplished today. 

D - Something that brought you delight today. What made you laugh or smile? 

What small thing of beauty did you see today? 

What did you hear today that lifted your spirits? A song? A child’s voice? A joke? 

Now close your eyes and think of your day and what you wrote. Breathe deeply for a few minutes and visualize a positive image from the day. Write down any insight or realization you have from this exercise that you want to remember.

I love this quote from Russel M.Nelson: 

“The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.”

Wishing you much joy.

Jemma xo

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Secrets to Joyful Singing: Stories & Lessons From My Youth

Secrets to Joyful Singing: Stories & Lessons From My Youth

Sometimes people comment about how ‘lucky’ I am that I can sing. I wonder if they realize all that’s gone into it over the years, not just for me, but for the countless people who have honed their singing voice. It's goes beyond technical skill & talent. Life experiences shapes not only the sound of one's voice but the disposition they take when they sing. These experiences are invaluable in the journey of discovering our voice. Of course, there are some anatomical & possible genetic factors at play that effect tone, listening, & the ability to project but beyond these our voice is developed through time, engagement, & experiences that may be both liberating & sometimes painful.

Over the next couple weeks I'd like to share with you some of the most impactful ‘secrets’ & stories from my journey with singing. These aren't about technique (though they have technical results) but about those mental & emotional constructs that support the expression of a dynamic voice. I can’t promise that you will always sound good when employing these secrets ~ but I’m confident that your journey with voice will be liberating and a helluva lot more fun!

Part one of this series includes stories from my childhood up until the day I realized that I wanted singing to become a more professional part of my life. I hope you enjoy!

Enthusiasm

If I could attribute my voice to one thing it would be enthusiasm. For as long as I can remember I loved to sing. One of my very first memories is of singing. I was 2 or 3 years old & my oldest brother was babysitting me. He put the song ‘Rockin Robin’ on the stereo & played it on repeat. We danced, sang, & laughed to that song for at least an hour. After he was played out he gave me headphones & left me to sing & dance on my own ~ which I did for several more hours! Every now & then he'd come downstairs & join for a round then leave me again to my singing haven. I LOVED that song & I'm sure my brother loved how easy I was to babysit.

Bring It Home

What did you love to sing when you were younger (or yesterday)? What happens if you just sing it for the love of it? Rock out in the car, sing it on repeat, & sing solely for your joy of singing as loud, quiet, or expressive as you want. If you loved to sing as a kid I bet that joy is still somewhere inside.

Projection

By kindergarten singing was still my favourite, except now I had a friend who loved to sing as much as me. Now, at this point in time my friend & I were under the very distinct impression that the BEST singer was the LOUDEST singer. And thus, we regularly competed to be the best (AKA loudest). During a recital rehearsal (while in full best singing competition) my teacher specifically & kindly asked me to stop yelling & sing instead. I can’t help but wonder if my yell/singing contributed to the projection I have today.

Bring It Home

When I work with a group I love having them sing as loud as they can without any concern for how it sounds. This exercise immediately changes the energy in the space, is pretty hilarious, & almost always gets people singing louder & more expressively afterward.

Try it for yourself. Pick a simple song & forget about how you sound. Just sing it as loud as you can. Dance if you want & make it totally ridiculous. Getting comfortable with being ridiculous is one of the best ways you can support learning & enjoying your voice.

Try So Hard

By the tween years, my song preferences had moved to the melodramatic ballads of the early nineties. They had all the feels! I would belt out Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, & Whitney Houston like I owned those songs. Regardless of the range or musical dexterity I gave it my all. I tried so hard! I would imagine myself as a famous singer performing at the most notorious events. And yes, technically I was absolutely ‘over-singing’ but that's why it was so amazing. It was a playground to try on & play with all aspects of my voice whether or not I had the actual chops.

Bring It Home

Again and again, I come across two very common fears with singing; 1) Being too loud & 2) Sounding like you’re trying. Overcoming these mental hurdles is so valuable in discovering your voice. When you are willing to try, to play, to sound ridiculous you will move lightyears forward in both your voice & your joy of singing

Go ahead & try it. Grab a hairbrush (your pretend microphone) & sing like an over-dramatic Mariah Carey at the Grammys. Forget about sounding ‘good’ & give it your everything. Be over dramatic, over performative, over the top! Get comfortable with trying & playing & the world of your voice will open.

Find the Wins in the Losses

In my early twenties, before I sang professionally, I tried out for Canadian Idol on a lark. It was my first time behind the scenes & I was torn between both the opportunity & the exploitive nature of it all. I watched people pushed through preliminary auditions only to be humiliated on national television. When I made it to the TV audition Sass Jordan told me I was good, but not great. Fortunately, it was enough to make the top 100 & I was flown to Toronto. Unfortunately, I was cut in the first round.

The whole Canadian Idol thing was incredibly eye-opening. Overall, I took the experience as a win. It showed me that music was a viable option in my life & was a bit of a game-changer. At the same time, I saw how subjective & cliquy it could all be & you can't take it too seriously. It seems with music every loss or disappointment (of which I’ve had many) can also have a brighter side. I won’t pretend I’ve always seen it right away but I do believe that when we celebrate the wins & find them even in our losses that it gives the courage to keep going.

Bring It Home

It’s easy to get stuck on what’s not good enough & empowering to acknowledge what we learn & how we grow. If you sing in front of people for the first time & it goes poorly it’s still a win ~ you got your butt up there & did it. Looking at our ‘losses’ from the lens of growth is incredibly supportive. How might the seeming ‘losses’ in your journey of voice be seen from this lens?

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About the Author:

Amy Thiessen is a coach, writer, & musician who focuses on helping women connect to their confidence, purpose, & self-esteem through voice & communication. Offering a holistic approach Amy helps individuals uncover & overcome their unique blocks around voice & communication, connect to their self-esteem & purpose, & ultimately express themselves in a way that is empowered & impactful.

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Feeling All The Feelings & Finding Balance Within

Feeling All The Feelings & Finding Balance Within

Hands up if you’ve ever felt a surge of emotion arising, whether it be high feelings expressed through uncontrollable laughter or low feelings expressed as a tidal wave of tears? Hands up again, if you have found yourself accepting and desiring more of the high feelings and despairing and rejecting the low feelings? 

I’m pretty certain we have all been here, at some point and either fought against whatever is arising or sought it again if we liked it.

I find it so fascinating that we do this. We pursue the highs, and do everything we can to avoid and escape the lows - yet both are two sides of the same coin. If you have one, then you must inevitably have the other too. Why do we deem it okay to feel happiness but not sadness? Interesting huh? And this is not to say that we want to wallow, or take a bath in sadness, but to learn the art of accepting what is. 

What I’m most curious about, is seeing if it is possible to live with the whole array of emotions that exist without attaching to or averting them. And what happens when we welcome all...

So Let's Look at the Word "Emotion"

The Latin word for emotion is ’emotere’, which literally means energy in motion.

Upon investigation, it seems that emotional energy in itself is neutral. What I mean by this, is that energy is flavourless until our minds give it flavour.

Let‘s look at this closely, and see how we can get entangled in attachment or aversion to emotions…

When a sensation is created by an emotion happening in our body (expansion/contraction), we then interpret the emotion through a response from our internal memory bank (based on like or dislike).  For example contraction feels bad, so I push it away, or expansion feels good so I attach to it. I give power to the feeling through labelling it. My reaction of either attachment or aversion creates conflict and stops the energy from flowing freely.

Without an interpretation, all we are left with is moving energy in the body that resembles expansion (usually associated with good feelings) and contraction (bad feelings).

Given that fact, it makes sense to treat this fluid energy with respect and allow it to move and change as it’s designed to do. Like the old age saying goes “This too shall pass”. Like everything else; these sensations are impermanent.

“Emotions are like a wave, constantly rising and falling. They’re part of a much bigger ocean worth noticing.”

The Error lies in Labelling this "Energy in Motion" as "Good" or "Bad".

If we can recognise that every feeling will pass, attaching a reaction is pointless. Instead, if we stay out of the thoughts and strengthen our observation muscle by staying with the sensation and not trying to escape it, then it can pass through freely without obstruction. 

Voicing the story of how you feel is powerful, but only to a certain point. Though it is in itself a release, the next level can only be reached when you allow yourself to feel your emotions without justifying or sharing them with others. By taking away the charge of the labelling of it, and giving our full attention to the sensation from a neutral place we allow it to simply be, and move.

By bringing a mindful observation to the sensations, you’re basically allowing your body to communicate with your mind. It has something to show you about how you feel at your deepest level, and only when your mind can stop and listen, will it invite the energy to be released. 

I can guess when reading this, you may think “Yeah, I know this” or it may seem so simple (which it is) - yet because of our conditioning and habitual reactions, to bring complete attention to what is arising and stay with it, in reality is not always easy, and therefore requires our total attention to notice the wave instead of being swept away by it.

3 Ways to Feel Your Feelings Without Attaching or Escaping

Here are three ways I find useful in remaining with my feelings and allowing the energy in motion to move through:

1. Find time in the day to sit quietly (even just 5 minutes will help) - observing any sensation that arises with pure curiosity and zero judgement. This is the first step to acceptance and over time the pattern of reaction becomes weaker. 

2. Allow space between a strong emotion and reaction. When a sensation from energy in motion comes up, take a few simple deep breaths and / or take yourself away from the situation to feel the sensation without reacting from it. You may then have better understanding and insight into where it came from.

3. Thank the emotion. Thank it for arising and showing you what is inside you that wants to be seen. Without a story, it can move out, knowing that you have seen it.

Be patient, persistent and loving with yourself. It takes a lot of energy to tame the monkey mind and unwire the hardwired programs and reactions inside of us. 

Emotions are always going to be there and that’s okay. It’s how we deal with them that makes all the difference, and helps us to find and maintain balance within.

Much love, 
Jemma xo

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What is Love?

What is Love?

What do you think love is? When one says, ‘I love you,’ what does it really mean? What is the depth of it? 

Whether it’s love for myself, the love for a partner, a friend, or life itself - What is the true meaning of love?

We have all heard the spiritual teachings talk about love, oneness and unity. We’ve attended classes, workshops, read all the books, but do we really know the true meaning of love and are we living from love?

The word LOVE seems to have become very watered down these days, to the point that we need to emphasise UNCONDITIONAL love, even though love itself IS without conditions. It is whole and complete, it gives without any expectation of a return and shines on everything, just as the sun kisses the entire earth.

“Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, ‘you owe me.’ Look what happens with a love like that! It lights up the whole sky.” - Hafiz

You see, we say we love people, things and life, and we are quick to share our joys on instagram after we’ve sweated it out on the mat, or experienced a heart opening kirtan, and are feeling a moment of sweet bliss of being alive. However when a relationship ends, or we lose something we cherished, someone expresses anger toward us, or we meet challenges in life, we can often judge, criticise, condemn, feel jealous, angered etc. The person we say we loved, now becomes an enemy. We have no peace because the object we owned is now broken. We become outraged or hurt that someone would shout at us and hold onto that. We realise that our love was based on conditions (which is not love), and create suffering in our minds based on these self created conditions which may have been completely invisible to us until now.

Love Has No Conditions

It is not fearful of the next moment. It does not depend on someone or something to fulfill it. It does not exclude or discriminate. Love does not ebb and flow, it does not move in waves of highs and lows. Rather it is a quiet peacefulness that embraces all, an unwavering light, illuminating.

So perhaps the way to discover love, is to see what love is NOT...

If I do something for you because it makes me feel good - that is not love.

If I offer you affection because I want something in return - that is not love.

If I am fearful that you may abandon me - that is not love.

If I am jealous that you are close with another human - that is not love.

If I am possessive of a person or belongings - that is not love.

If I hold an image of who you were yesterday and I interact with that image - that is not love.

If I think I am above you and so attempt to dominate - that is not love.

If I depend on you for security, affection, comfort, companionship or validation - that is not love.

If I hold an image of you as superior or inferior to me - that is not love.

If I compare myself or you to another - that is not love. 

If I condemn, judge or critique my actions or circumstances - that is not love.

If I am kind to myself only when I have a certain status - that is not love.

If I care or work for you out of duty - that is not love.

If I pity myself or another - that is not love.

If I long for love in another - that is not love.

If I only love myself if I am ‘successful’ in my career - that is not love.

If I only love myself when I have lost 5 kilos - that is not love.

If I push myself to work more even when I am tired - that is not love.

If I act out of obligation - that is not love.

All of the above is created in the mind. Driven by a narrative. How can I know love, if I see you as separate from me, as below me, above me, subservient to me, or in control of me? As long as I see through labels, conditioning, acting from memory and identity based on what society has told me I am - there is no love. I will meet life in my head and never with my heart. Only when the mind is quiet, empty of its conditioning, all its stored knowledge and experience, can I meet you and all of life openly, from curiosity, compassion, respect and kindness. 

Can we eliminate all these common ‘problems’ that we find when relating with one another, and even with ourselves, all our prejudices, our pain and desires? If I chase pleasure, I will try to use you and life to my own personal benefit. If I want to avoid pain, I defend and do whatever it takes to repeat being hurt. Therefore I am always operating from a program, from a motive. 

Love is always new, fresh, alive. It has no yesterday and no tomorrow. It is beyond the turmoil of the past, of memory. It is only the innocent mind that is free of prejudices that provides silence for the heart to be heard, that can know what love is. Like a child who sees the world through fresh eyes.

As the famous poet, Rumi wrote: “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop.” - When you realize that all is you, then there is love. To have compassion for yourself is to have compassion for all.

Ram Dass also expressed a lot about true love. He talked about the space of true compassion, that we are all one. “We are all talking to ourselves when we talk to one another. There is the plane of the ego, the plane of the Soul, and the plane of the One. As you go on, you gravitate towards the one. Compassion comes from that identity of our oneness. When you help someone, you are helping yourself.”

It’s so simple, yet so profound. And it all starts with us. Loving ourselves. To be aware of the contradictions inside your own mind is to erase the conflict between your mind and heart.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

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How to Ask for What We Need in Personal Relationships

How to Ask for What We Need in Personal Relationships (& Receive it When it Comes)

We are social beings. Through personal relationships we not only find a sense of belonging but establish our sense of self. Our close relationships are a gift, yet often these are the very relationships in which we struggle to ask for what we need. History can paint our relationships with ideas or expectations that limit our ability to see beyond. We may preemptively decide how someone will respond & adjust our behaviour based on that assumption. Asking for what we need, for something different in these situations can be particularly challenging but when we do we open a pathway to greater intimacy & mutual understanding.

Years ago I found myself in such a dynamic. Whenever a close friend & I would talk on the phone it would inevitably revolve around her life & her problems. She would talk for almost an hour without inquiring about me or my life. In the beginning I didn’t really understand why I was upset. I told myself that I was being a good friend & that she needed someone who was there for her. But, after awhile I found myself becoming resentful & left our conversations feeling drained.

Instinctively I began to avoid conversations with my friend. When she called, or I considered calling her my mind would instantly go to the narrative “I don’t have the energy for this today.” Fortunately, after a few of these moments I was able to acknowledge what was happening. I didn’t want to end this friendship or dismiss this person from my life - I was just frustrated by the dynamics of our conversation. I realized it was quite likely my friend didn’t even know there was a problem. It was up to me to tell her what was going on & ask for what I needed.

With this change of perspective I was able to talk to my friend with kindness instead of resentment. I told her that I love & appreciate her & that I was finding myself frustrated after our conversations. I asked if she would engage more with me, by asking me questions & takin more interest in my life.

This conversation opened a door for us. I learned that she felt she wasn’t good enough at listening & that she believed I didn't want to talk to her about my life. By hearing her perspective I came to realize that in my frustration I had changed my behaviour. I had become less willing to talk about my life, instead waiting for her to ask & further demonstrate my inner narrative. By asking for what I needed we both learned something; she learned how I wanted better engage with me in conversation & I learned how my behaviour, based on my inner narrative, had contributed to the problem. We both grew & our conversations today feel balanced & enjoyable.

Asking for what we need is a door. It opens us to the possibility of receiving what we desire & understanding ourself & our relationships better. These conversations shed light onto those blind spots that can only be revealed through another’s perspectives.

Clarify Your Needs

We often don’t realise we need something different until we receive what we don’t want. Understanding what we need is a skill. We develop this skill through reflection & patience. In time & with practice we become more aware & better able to communicate our needs in the present.

The way a person responds to us is not wrong. It is simply their response. Advice, for example can be received by one person as a gift and in other situation may be perceived as criticism or overbearing. When we remove blame & our expectations of how we believe a person ‘should’ respond we begin to take responsibility for ourselves & our needs. This is empowering because it takes the onus of our happiness out of the external world (what they do/did) & places it in our hands (what we need/ choose).

When you leave a conversation feeling unsatisfied or disappointed take some time to reflect. How would you have liked the other person to respond? What type of response would have felt supportive or helpful? By reflecting in this way we begin to see what we need to feel supported in various situations.

As we clarify our needs we become more equipped to communicate & meet them. We may choose to speak to a specific person who we know will give us what we need or ask those we care about to support us in a specific way; i.e. “I really need to get something off my chest, would you mind listening & letting me get it all out?” In clarifying our needs we may even find that sometimes we can meet them for ourselves.

At the core our needs are human needs - understanding them for ourself also enables us to better understand them in others.

Here is a list of common needs in personal conversations

~ To be Heard

~ Empathy

~ To be Understood

~ Advice or Help

~ To be Seen

~ To be Celebrated

~ To Share

~ To Listen

Connect & Appreciate

Asking for what we need is less about changing the other person & more about creating a mutually respectful & understanding relationship. As inner narratives can be one-sided (i.e. “they never listen”, “they always try & fix everything”) it's important to take a step back & approach the other person from a respectful stance. They may not realize there is a problem or may be dealing with their own narratives or circumstances. A generous perspective of our friend or personal relationship invites reciprocity & allows us to see beyond our narrative.

When someone behaves in a way different then what we desire we can both appreciate their behaviour & ask for what we need instead. For example, if someone offers advice when what we need is to be heard & understood we might say “I appreciate that you have some advice & insight on this but right now I’m not in a place to receive it. It would really help me if you could listen & offer some empathy & understanding. Would you be willing to do that?”

If we find ourself ruminating on a difficult interaction it can be helpful to imagine what the person needs or wants. An overbearing parent, for example, may desire us to be safe or secure. By acknowledging that very real concern we are more likely to approach them in a respectful & understanding way.

Make Reasonable, Specific, Invitational Requests.

Requests that are simple, specific, & invitational are generally the easiest to hear & to meet. If we present our request as a demand, a vague generalization, or as an ultimatum it may bring unnecessary tension into our relationship.

• Be Specific. Specificity is powerful. It clarifies our needs into tangible & relatable action. Instead of vague requests “I need you to start listening to me” try something specific & concise “Would you mind repeating back what you heard so I know that we are on the same page?”

• Be Reasonable. There is a give & take in all relationships. Be respectful of others needs by making reasonable requests. Small simple requests build a foundation of trust & reciprocity.

• Invitational language. Use invitational language to ask for what you need in a way that is connected & respectful. i.e. “Would you be willing”, “Would you mind”, “Do you have the time to”)

Receive What Comes

Ultimately how our request is received is beyond our control. If our request is met it’s helpful to offer gratitude - “thank you for listening” or “I appreciate you taking the time to go over this with me” - are kind ways to both show appreciation & reinforce the behaviour that supports us.

Sometimes our request is not met in the way we had hoped. This doesn’t mean we shouldn't ask for what we need. In strong relationship dynamics a request for a different behaviour might catch someone off guard. It’s not uncommon for people to take the request personally or become defensive. Ensure that your request is clear, respectful, & free from blame. Then give the person time to process. Just because someone doesn’t seem to ‘get’ our request the first time around doesn’t mean they won’t consider it in the future.

Ultimately asking others for what we need is about mutual respect & understanding. As much as we ask for what we need it’s important for us to listen & appreciate the needs of others. When we clarify & ask for what we need we can also become more attuned to what others might need. For example, if you notice your friend coming out when you give her advice you might say - “I notice you seem to be somewhere else, were you looking for advice, or would you rather I just listen?” We won’t get it right all the time but our genuine interest in being both supportive & supported can go a long way in building meaningful relationships.

About the Author Amy Thiessen is a coach, writer, & musician who focuses on helping others find & express a their voice with resonance. Her unique approach works with the wholistic mechanism of voice utilizing somatic awareness, psychology, mindfulness, spiritual practice, & vocal techniques of toning & song.

Personal relationships are foundational to our sense of self & interpersonal support. If you would like support in navigating & communication more effectively in your personal relationships please book a free consult & we can see if 'In Resonance' Coaching is right for you. Book now…

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About the Author

Amy Thiessen is an international teacher, coach, & musician who focuses on helping individuals connect to their confidence, purpose, & self esteem through voice & communication. Offering a holistic approach Amy helps individuals uncover & overcome their unique blocks around voice & communication, connect to their self esteem & purpose, & ultimately express themselves in a way that is empowered & impactful. You can contact Amy in here: me@amythiessen.com

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