Curiosity: A Gateway to Gratitude
Life offers moments or days when the swell of gratitude within me seems almost too much to contain. A mixture of love and life of an almost unbearable intensity radiates from the center ofmy chest. I find myself yearning to share this with every soul that has crossed my path, no matter how briefly, and then to extend it further to every living being on this planet. However, there’s a touch of pain, a twinge of discomfort, in trying to comprehend the entirety of existence. As a wise teacher once posed, "How long can you gaze into Krishna's mouth?" It's a reminder that within that cosmic maw lies not just what we label as "good," but also the aspects we deem "bad" or "scary." And yet, this emotion of gratitude for the entirety of existence transcends the boundaries of our human-made distinctions—it simply exists.
Myth of baby Krishna's mouth: Picture baby Krishna, hands smeared withmud, caught by his mother. She instructs him to open his mouth. What shewitnesses defies her grasp: the universe unfolds—beings, stars, planetsswirling through time—life's kaleidoscope in all its diversity. An overwhelmingportrayal of existence too immense to bear.
Gratitude often comes more easily when we're on the receiving end or when we're witnessing things that align with our desires. This has been central to concepts like daily gratitude lists or rituals, offering us a vital lens through which to perceive life. But perhaps we should explore how finely we can hone our sense of gratitude. Can we become fully present with something as simple as a cup of coffee or tea? Can we become acutely aware of the exquisite warmth in our mouths, the dance of flavors on our tongues, the soothing path down our throats, and the gentle heat in our stomachs? Consider the contrasting scenario: the hurried sip that scalds our tongues, the following discomfort, the struggle to swallow—an experience far from pleasant. We are more likely to associate the first scenario with gratitude.
Of course, not everything in life naturally invokes gratitude. In my journey, raw curiosity, a trait we are all born with and once embraced as children, has often paved the way to a profound gratitude for the entirety of life. It's a force that grants our logical left-brains a pause and allowsour being to immerse itself in the present with a sense of wonder. I'm not advocating for a simplistic "be happy and see the good" ideology. Instead, I'm advocating for a deeper realm of possibility that exists within this world.
Allow me to share a personal experience (which may not be an enjoyable read and might even trigger emotions). A few years ago, I endured a violent attack as an intruder invaded my home. At that very moment, a feeling of "this is the end" surged through my body—an indescribable fear, deeper and more potent than any I'd ever known. It was a surrender to an abyss of darkness, a hint of death's touch. Back then, I wouldn't have labeled this as a moment of gratitude, but today, I do. In the subsequent months, my system was trapped in a state of shock; functioning was a struggle, and interaction was near impossible. Yet, amid this turmoil, a curiosity emerged—an intrigue for this unknown "fear." It was captivating, how this fear consumed every inch of me, constricting not only my throat but my entire being. It disrupted my functioning, incited shakes, spontaneous jumps, screams, and tears. An indescribable sensation crawled beneath my skin. So, I replayed the attack in my mind, probing how it felt within my body. Was it comfortable? Far from it. But curiosity trumped discomfort.
With time, this exploration led me to fully process the experience, dissolving its grip on me. Today, I can't replicate that feeling. The story I share is as much yours as it is mine. In fact, I might be more composed about it because I harbor immense gratitude for this experience and its gifts. It prompted me to reclaim control over how I perceive and experience life, bestowing upon me an indescribable freedom. Not only that, it drove me to martial arts—a practice I adore—instilling within me strength, compassion, pride, and a sense of resilience, all accompanied by a profound gratitude for the person I've become in this world. Even unfathomable fear itself assumes a mysterious expression of life.
Could I have learned the same lessons differently? Perhaps. Could I have grasped that hot coffee burns my mouth without experiencing it firsthand? Likely. Yet, life throws its curveballs, and we don't always choose how we learn or experience things. I acknowledge that the scaldingdrink and my personal ordeal represent opposite poles of experience. However, their separation is somewhat an illusion, contingent upon our perspective.
So, is perpetual gratitude a necessity? Absolutely not. Sometimes it arrives instantly, like when you reunite with a loved one after a separation. Other times, it emerges months or even years later—or maybe it never does. Does gratitude erase pain, grief, frustration, or sorrow? No. But Iwouldn't want it to. While society often labels certain emotions and experiences as "bad," I wouldn't trade mine for a life devoid of them. They are integral to the spectrum of gratitude. The entire spectrum of life's colors is precious, continually expanding with each moment. I cherish every shade and nuance, and I wouldn't wish to miss out on any of them. How about you?
About Steffi Feierabend
Steffi, a recent graduate of the Radiantly Alive x fluidUs 300HR yoga teacher training, is a passionate explorer of life's diversity. Steffi's journey spans countries, cultures, and diverse movement practices. She's also deeply curious about life's many facets, including both the literal and metaphorical aspects of death.
With a commitment to providing a secure and nurturing environment, Steffi finds joy in guiding individuals towards deeper self-discovery. Her aim is to help people embrace their authentic selves and unlock inner freedom, allowing them to fully express their true essence.
