Some call it ‘the dark night of the soul.’ Nothing makes sense. You’re unsure of who you are. And your life feels like it’s falling apart around you.
You’re in the aftermath of a crumbling.
The world is a mirage of memory and you feel like a shell of the self you once were.
‘Who am I?’ you ask.
What am I?
Where am I?
And even…
Why am I?
All questions of great prevalence during this period of transformation, where the old self is gone, and the new self hasn’t fully birthed. The uncomfortable in between as you expand into the unknown.
This is where some of the most important work of your life lies.
Where true courage is needed.
Here you need to make a choice: either muster up the courage for your inner expedition deep into the ocean of your shadows, or remain lost, empty, and undone.
If you have been here before, you know that courage is the only option.
We are all haunted by the shadows of our past, the shadows of ourselves.
Childhood trauma. Unfulfilled dreams. Lost love. Perceived failures. Words we wish we said, and words we wish we could take back.
So many believe that if we ignore these shadows they will eventually go away…so we ignore them, and we run from them, because doing so feels easier than facing the truths and realities of the darker parts of our being. However, when we run and ignore our shadows, we abandon ourselves, over and over again.
These shadows are a part of who we are, no matter how painful they may be. It is only when we acknowledge their presence can we make room for new possibilities.
One of the greatest gifts to my spirit and shadow work has been finding Himalayan Kriya Yoga. This practice is a form of energy yoga, and when practiced regularly, it becomes an intense energetic upgrade of self and expansion of the heart. With this expansion of the heart, we start releasing and letting go of everything that doesn’t match the new frequency of our being, and all that is not meant for us begins to fall away. Over and over again, I have felt my heart breaking free from the walls that it’s been hiding behind, and over and over again, I have felt these walls come crashing down with tidal waves of tears.
It can feel like a real ass kicking at first, but the more we loosen our grip on all that is not meant for us, and allow ourselves to drop the stones of our past, surrendering to what is, life begins to fill with the vibrancy of our magnetic hearts.
With great observation and awareness of the self, we begin to understand that the tears experienced are doorways to greater amounts of love, care, kindness, and compassion, not only for ourselves, but in our ability to share and receive it from everyone and everything around us.
I remember a recent time when I got hit with a sudden wave of grief that crumpled me to the floor. With great courage, rather than running away from the pain, I made my way to my bed, choosing to feel it all and let it pass through.
I was scared. My insides were shredding. I was screaming in so much pain, both physically and emotionally.
I felt unsure I would be able to stick with the excruciating intensity of the sensations myself, yet I knew this energy needed to be felt in order to be moved. With even more courage and vulnerability, I reached out to a friend with a text, remembering their offer to help if I found myself experiencing a pain like this again. Within minutes, I was physically held and supported by two incredible souls.
For the next hour they sat with me as I wailed, writhed, and even threw up, helping me move this energy, letting me feel it all, and allowing it to pass through. They spent another half hour holding me and stroking my body, helping me reground and come back to my breath, as I tried to make sense of what had just happened. Truth is, sometimes we can’t really make sense of what happens within. Yes the grief triggered this deep release, but what came out was something beyond that - most likely something that had been carried for generations before.
This grief seems to have opened the floodgates to what has felt like lifetimes of emotional suppression. I am proud of myself for showing up with a courageous warrior spirit and yet the soft heart of surrender - facing these shadows, surrendering to the pain, and allowing myself this gift of fully feeling and releasing, knowing that with this release, more of my light can shine out to the world.
To quote Dr. Joe Dispenza, “You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.” The more we free the shadows within, the more room our light has to shine. With more light shining into the world, the more light we get reflected back
I used to be afraid of this great power inside - this immense depth to feel extreme highs and lows - and even shamed for the intensity of my emotions. Though I can now see that this fear was not only a barrier to myself, but to the beauty, magic, and depth of the world around me. I continue to acknowledge and welcome the tears whenever they arise. With courage, I feel them fully, allow them to pass through, and release them with appreciation. By doing so, I have noticed my days filling up with more and more love, gratitude, and grace. The more we are able to let go, the more we are able to let in.
At the end of the day, emotion is just a form of energy waiting to be expressed. Not good or bad, positive or negative. Just energy. And some energies can be better served elsewhere, rather than stuck in our bodies.
It takes true courage and trust to let go of everything you thought was you/meant for you, and rise into the great unknown of all that you are destined to be.
So be brave. Be COURAGEOUS!
This is your invitation to feel all your feels!
Allow your emotions to flow. ALL emotions. The light and the dark. The high and the low. Gift yourself this inner freedom.
Acknowledge these emotions. Feel them. Embrace them. Appreciate them. And then, set them free. Setting your emotions free, sets YOU free. But you’ve got to muster up the courage to experience them first. Can be challenging, and even scary at times, yet so incredibly liberating.
I choose to face my shadows with courage.
I RELEASE so I can RISE.
I know you can too.
